A Woman’s Birds-Eye View: Learning to Radiate From Within
“Society has haunted and taunted women with a bird-eye view of herself. Her body is so often judged from the outside that she is accustomed to seeing herself from a distance, rarely does she feel herself from within. She must learn how to unite and nourish herself from the inside with all her senses. Then she exudes wonderful feminine qualities that change the atmosphere around her.” – Tantric Orgasm for Women, Diane Robinson
Table Mountain, Cape Town, South Africa
I love it when an elusive, subconscious phenomenon is expressed with the perfect wording! It brings clarity to every time I’ve over analyzed my body and personality. Critically observing the world we live in is key to self-actualization.
The truth is, we are born pure and the world projects everything onto us. A child’s innocence has them soak up their environment like a sponge. Something your conscious mind may think is insignificant could be processing in your subconscious mind for the rest of your life. It could communicate micro-assumptions about human behavior and etiquette that leave you wandering in the wrong direction for decades.
For me, this split between my true self and the self formed by my internalized audience began when my cousin introduced me to pornography. We were both 6 years old. I hated the striking graphics that stimulated parts of my brain that I wasn’t ready to be introduced to. This was not sexual education, it was sexual programming.
This progressed into masturbating and fantasizing where I could sometimes feel the displacement of my power because I was orgasming from my brain, not my body.
‘Anatomy’ page 132 of Brown Girl Almighty
One night, when I was 12 years old, I was watching porn and asking myself, Why do the women respond like that when they vibrate their vagina? The vibrator I had acquired from my physical therapist to heal my bell’s palsy was propped up on my shelf staring at me. I stared back with a new lens.
I did not learn the geography of my vagina with my fingers;
a vibrator is what first introduced me to my erogenous zones.
I remember my shock and convulsions. My soul left my body and I immediately got the best sleep of my life. This new experience was miraculously addicting. Every night I am flicking the bean and scrolling the screen (haha). A few weeks into my self exploration, I lazily left the vibrator under my bed (note to self: hide it in the pillows) where my mom soon found it and chided me.
My mom LOVES jump scaring me, and one fateful day she got the sight of her life when she burst into my room and caught me legs spread under the covers. I don’t know why she then decided to YANK the covers off and scream while backing out the room stuttering, “AHH! D-D-DON’T DO THAT!” She ran away like a little girl and didn’t close the door🤦🏾♀️
So yeah… woman’s bird’s-eye view.
Despite the profound lack of communication, that moment taught me several things:
DO NOT MASTURBATE
Masturbation is jarring and shameful
The feeling of my body being nonconsensually exposed is SO UNCOMFORTABLE
Disclaimer: I have resolved these issues with my mother and I do understand that she was always acting with the knowledge that she had at the time. All is well now and I share these experiences for knowledge and entertainment.
At this point, I am at the beginning of my body undergoing serious developments. I’d had my menstrual cycle for 3 years (I started at 9–early as fuck!), my breast are growing, and my family calls me “boy crazy.”
I am so tired of the world telling me what I am and am not. Now when I look in the mirror, I sometimes see a funhouse reflection staring back at me.
Is my stomach too fat?
Am I too short?
Why isn’t my hair longer?
Am I ugly?
Thanks to the internet, there is now an internalized audience in my 12-year-old brain telling me what is right and wrong. What I should and shouldn’t do/respond/act/feel/look. For so long, this bird’s-eye view tantalized my self expression… until one fateful day, it began to aid in my progression.
“She must learn how to unite and nourish herself from the inside with all her senses. Then she exudes wonderful feminine qualities that change the atmosphere around her.” – Tantric Orgasm for Women, Diane Robinson
It was somewhere between That’s So Raven and Lady Gaga’s Born This Way that I stopped watching myself from above and finally dropped into MY BODY and began exploring WHAT I LIKE. There are a plethora of women who have inspired my truth to burst out of me like the sun.
It is here where I found my voice, my style, and my creativity and began using them as tools to paint my life.
I tried any and everything I was curious about just because I had the free will to do so and I encourage everyone to do the same. Art classes, ballet, gymnastics, singing, painting, learning Spanish, etc. Nothing is off limits regardless of age, time, or materials and there are so many resources out there to explore more of what you love (the library has TONS of free opportunities).
The bird’s-eye view taught me something important: when you are constantly observing yourself from the outside, you become disconnected from the intelligence of the body. Your pleasure, your intuition, your breath, and your rhythm, all of it gets filtered through an imaginary audience.
But instead of using the body to perform, use it to reveal your truth.
And when a woman begins to use her innate resources (the breath, sacred movement, emotional release, pleasure, stillness, etc.) to feel herself from within, something magnetic happens. Her presence and awareness changes.
She is no longer trying to be seen, she simply IS.
There is a new bird’s eye view that I possess; it is one where I know my power and the way my presence is felt when I walk into a room. The heads turn because my energy is magnetic, and it is not waiting for you to agree. My inner knowing leads me exactly where I am meant to be and people love being of assistance to me.
Returning to the body (and to your truest self) is a lifelong path we are always traversing. Through retreatsandprivate consultations, I guide others as they walk it too.
In November 2026, I’ll be hosting Shakti Ascension: A Thailand Kundalini Retreat, where we’ll spend several days reconnecting with the body through Kundalini yoga, breathwork, temple visits, plant medicine ceremonies, and deep conversation about what it means to live as a fully expressed human being.
If you are ready to look within and find your answers, you can learn more about the retreat HERE.
